Tips for navigating difficult situations with parents/adults in an educational setting.

Have you ever had a parent accuse you of mistreating his/her student? Have you ever been accused of mistreating or being disrespectful to a parent? I know, you probably never have. But for those who may have experienced challenging situations, be encouraged!

Being a school administrator is one of the most rewarding jobs I have had in my career. But let me be honest: I had some challenging days. What I learned as an administrator is that you have absolutely no direct control over most of what you manage on a day-to-day basis. Some people miss that when transitioning from a classroom teacher into a school administrative role, you spend a lot of time managing adults versus students. The most challenging part of being an administrator is managing and working with adults; the students are easy. I also share that the most rewarding part of leadership is working with adults. As a leader, I enjoy pouring the knowledge that I picked up along the way into others.

Here are a couple of things I have learned along the way when having challenging conversations with parents/adults:

1. Be Honest. No matter what it is, good, bad, or indifferent. Always tell the truth. If you do not know something, then be honest and share what you do not know. Refrain from communicating anything that you are not certain about. If a mistake happens, share that, but in the same sentence, communicate to the receiving person the plan you have already set to rectify the situation.

2. As shared before, it is important to have a plan moving forward. There will always be situations that require a resolution. Sometimes, there may be a simple solution, such as an apology. As an administrator, parents want to know the next steps. This is the time to rebuild any trust that may have been lost through the situation. This may require some time; be patient!

3. As an administrator, you must follow up with the parents. My former principal used to tell us that it was essential for us to inspect what we expected! Make sure you set a reminder on your calendar of when to follow up with a parent regarding a situation you may have worked to resolve.

4. Being patient is also essential. An administrator must realize that not all situations may be salvageable. My grandmother taught me that although you cannot control another person’s actions, you can manage your own. So, no matter how difficult a person may behave toward you, remember to always lead with care, courage, and concern. Be respectful and intentional. People will believe what they see and not what you say! The old saying, actions speak louder than words, has proven to be true in my situation in life. I remember I had a parent who said some things had happened to her young lady under the teacher’s care that required a reprimand. The student was moved to a different environment at the parent’s request, and the teacher resigned (at her own recognizant). Needless to say, this mother did not trust me or anyone in the school. She would never speak to anyone when entering the building and never made any eye contact while in the car lane picking up her child. I instructed everyone to contact the mom periodically to check on things. In addition, we wrapped our arms around the student, moving forward, exhibiting nothing but extra love and kindness. At the end of the year, I was sharing words of encouragement at the end of an award ceremony when exiting the stage; this mother approached me and thanked me. I humbly responded, for what? She said she appreciated how the entire staff and I displayed nothing but love toward her despite her not-so-kind behavior toward us. She said, more importantly, she appreciated how we helped her daughter fall in love with school again. I assured her that children are our business and we would never mistreat any child intentionally as long as I was the principal of that campus. She then voluntarily shared that she had been in an abusive relationship with the child’s father and that her mother had taken ill within that school year. She broke down in tears and shared that our kindness towards her and encouraging quotes we would send home in newsletters/announcements, etc., were also a “blessing” to her and not just the children. She shared that we, as a school, had no idea how we impacted her heart. The takeaway from this story: Be consistent no matter what! Stay encouraged and realize that everyone has baggage. Often, school personnel are mistreated for things that have nothing to do with situations at school. Be kind, and never take anything personally. Always leave people with their dignity!

5. Remember, we all have baggage! I often remind my employees that we all have baggage we bring to our places of employment, but for a little while, we must drop it at the door and keep the main things! What is that? The business of children. 🙂 I firmly believe that when you lead with good intentions, no matter how challenging the conversation might be, it will all work itself out in the end with patience and prayer!